It’s calling me again…baby-land, I nearly made it out of it. I was “..” this close but I’ve realised if I go too far and return to “normal” life would I ever be able to go back?
This is the dilema my husband and I face. Before we had children we both knew we wanted a few, two maybe three kids. One would have been an absolute blessing. When we struggled a little to have our first four years ago we were truly grateful when I did eventually become pregnant. One baby down and five months in we’d done it again, babog number two was on her way. I know, I know we were blessed to have been able to get pregnant again, but believe me when you’ve a five month old baby with terrible reflux our first thought was panic. How would we cope? What had we done (besides the obvs!). Fast forward nine months and we couldn’t have been happier with our beautiful new baby girl. Two crazy baby filled years passed full of crawling, wobbling, toddling and kisses. Our baby girls were growing up so fast.
Me myself, well honestly I was a shadow of my former self for the first year of baby number two arriving. I think it was literally a game of survival. Once the kids were fed and watered I considered this to be a very successful day. Now nearly three years in I’m starting to become the person I once was. I’m getting a little bit more sleep. I’m able to shower regularly, without having to jump out every two minutes to check to see if the kids are ok. I’m thinking about my own future again, my career. Thankfully the girls are beginning to play together a little more. But in the back of my mind I have a niggling feeling. How far into this new reality should I go? Yes I’ve managed to pursue a whole new career. I’d once been an ABA tutor for children with Autism and now am working in the busy world of fashion PR. I’ve created my own website as an outlet for myself. A few of my beauty articles have been published in the national press and I qualified as a makeup artist all in the past year. But really could I pursue this wholeheartedly if the little niggle in the back of my head just wouldn’t go away.
Our eldest (that sounds mad!) is now 4 and our youngest 2 (almost 3), we’ve literally just gotten out of the two year sentence (that’s what I call it). Whoever tells you the first 6 weeks, 6 months, year are the hardest are lying, it takes two years for real normality to settle back in after having kids. Routine has been established, nighttime wakings are becoming more infrequent. Bottles, nappies and teething are a thing of the past. All the thorns have been forgotten of early baby life and the roses are smelling sweeter than ever. But that niggle just isn’t going away. In fact it has become more of an all consuming thought than a niggle. Should we go again? Were we really ready to go back to babyland? With such a short gap between my two girls I really could see the benefit, in hindsight mind you, of having siblings close in age. If we were to go again we seriously needed to consider doing it soon. And so the decision was made ironically over a few glasses of wine and a good meal to return. It was now or never with hopefully now being on our side, baby land here we come again!
The pill cast aside we waited anxiously every month for that + sign, luckily it came quickly enough. Alas that one was not to be, but shortly after we became pregnant again, and so here I am, mid thirties pregnant for the third time nearly mid-way through (19 weeks, feeling warm and safe in the knowledge that we’d made the right decision. Because although reality is a wonderful thing, living in baby land is (really hard work) but joyous too!
I will say though the little prickle of thorns are staring to re-appear. I’d forgotten how tired you can be when pregnant. It’s like a wall is in front of you and you’re trying constantly to climb over it just to do the simplest of things. Cooking, cleaning, working, anything is now more of an effort than ever! As if sensing she might be displaced my youngest has become increasingly attached to me again, not even going to her Dad at times, and has reverted back to me feeding her from a spoon for everything! I know this will pass though so I’ve indulged her with a warning…when baby comes she’ll have to feed herself again.
My love for all things sweet has been rekindled and this time I’m going with it. Double deckers are still my chocolate bar of choice (I know weird!). I’d forgotten how good they were! There are definitely differences with this pregnancy though. I think on your first you’re very much aware of the do’s and don’ts of pregnancy, such as don’t eat blue cheese or shell fish. Don’t drink alcohol. DO exercise moderately and drink plenty of water. You buy every baby book there is and follow all the rules of how to be perfectly pregnant first time round. I was aware of all of these on my second too but I was still so submerged in baby land that they came naturally to me as I hadn’t really returned to my usual non breast feeding diet. This one however is different. I’d started to have a few glasses of wine again, eat shell fish and blue cheese and so have definitely noticed their absence. They are however very very small sacrifices to make, especially when you start feeling those first few movements in your tummy. I’m now just looking forward to having my anatomy scan soon and cherishing every little kick, poke and prod I’m getting from this little babog, as I know in my heart and all going well this will be my last.
by George Cooper
” Which is the way to Baby-land? ”
” Anyone can tell;
Up one flight,
To your right;
Please ring the bell. “
” What can you see in Baby-land? ”
” Little folks in white —
Faces pure and bright! ”
” What do they do in Baby-land? ”
” Dream and wake and play,
Laugh and crow,
Shout and grow;
Jolly times have they! ”
” What do they say in Baby-land? ”
” Why, the oddest things;
Might as well
Try to tell
What a birdie sings! ”
” Who is the Queen of Baby-land? ”
” Mother kind and sweet;
And her love,
Guides the little feet. “